Where to begin...
I guess I can start with where I am - in the hospital! Say what?? Yes, it is true. On Tuesday we had our regularly scheduled ultrasound and appointment. At the ultrasound I kept a close eye on the screen when the tech was measuring my cervix. Sadly the number I saw were the ones I wanted to see. I was hoping that I was looking at the wrong numbers but I was pretty sure I knew what I was looking at. We asked the tech what my cervix was measuring and she said she couldn't tell us. Grr.
When T. and I were making our way up to my appointment I told him what I thought I saw: .6 cm. Not good. Last Tuesday the cervix was measuring at 1.3cm and that was low and resulted in my bed rest at home. We got upstairs and as the nurse was walking us back to the exam room she asked how I was and I told her, "Worried. The numbers we saw didn't look good."
When Dr. K. walked in the room the first thing he said was, "So you're cervix is shorter. We need to admit you to the hospital." I think I started crying on the spot. For multiple reasons.
A few minutes later I was upstairs in a hospital gown in a hospital bed. I was crushed. T. and I knew it was best for baby but it comes at such a physical, emotional, and financial cost. I am still grappling with all of that but I am trying to stay hopeful. The thought of staying in bed, in the hospital for the next 20 weeks is daunting but that is the goal. At this point I am doubtful that I will make it to full term so my goal is 32 weeks. 3 months from now. Eep.
The thought that we are .6cm from another loss is extremely upsetting. And the fact that there is little I can do about it is so difficult. But I'm here, in the hospital, being closely monitored and that is the most I can do.
I've been doing some research on teh Interwebz and found that there have been women in similar situations who have carried their babies 27 weeks or further. These stores have helped to give me hope.
The second most difficult part is the fact that I am separated from the pets. T. I can see daily and e-mail and phone but my sweet little furbabies don't know where I've gone. I didn't really even get to say goodbye to them since I thought I was just going to an appointment. The circumstances around Yeti's health make is so much more difficult. I'm wary to even write it lest I breathe life into the awful possibility. The kitties are so bonded to me and I've never been away from them for more than two weeks. I am so sad about this. At least T. is home and has promised to play with the kitties and give them extra attention in my absence. I want to be at the hospital because it is best for baby but knowing that it comes at the cost of being with my little furry loved ones is difficult.
This also means no more daily kitties pictures. :( I told T. that I didn't want him to send me photos because it would be too difficult to see them and not be with them.
When T. and I were making our way up to my appointment I told him what I thought I saw: .6 cm. Not good. Last Tuesday the cervix was measuring at 1.3cm and that was low and resulted in my bed rest at home. We got upstairs and as the nurse was walking us back to the exam room she asked how I was and I told her, "Worried. The numbers we saw didn't look good."
When Dr. K. walked in the room the first thing he said was, "So you're cervix is shorter. We need to admit you to the hospital." I think I started crying on the spot. For multiple reasons.
A few minutes later I was upstairs in a hospital gown in a hospital bed. I was crushed. T. and I knew it was best for baby but it comes at such a physical, emotional, and financial cost. I am still grappling with all of that but I am trying to stay hopeful. The thought of staying in bed, in the hospital for the next 20 weeks is daunting but that is the goal. At this point I am doubtful that I will make it to full term so my goal is 32 weeks. 3 months from now. Eep.
The thought that we are .6cm from another loss is extremely upsetting. And the fact that there is little I can do about it is so difficult. But I'm here, in the hospital, being closely monitored and that is the most I can do.
I've been doing some research on teh Interwebz and found that there have been women in similar situations who have carried their babies 27 weeks or further. These stores have helped to give me hope.
The second most difficult part is the fact that I am separated from the pets. T. I can see daily and e-mail and phone but my sweet little furbabies don't know where I've gone. I didn't really even get to say goodbye to them since I thought I was just going to an appointment. The circumstances around Yeti's health make is so much more difficult. I'm wary to even write it lest I breathe life into the awful possibility. The kitties are so bonded to me and I've never been away from them for more than two weeks. I am so sad about this. At least T. is home and has promised to play with the kitties and give them extra attention in my absence. I want to be at the hospital because it is best for baby but knowing that it comes at the cost of being with my little furry loved ones is difficult.
This also means no more daily kitties pictures. :( I told T. that I didn't want him to send me photos because it would be too difficult to see them and not be with them.
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