Adventure Girls and Ferd

Bath and weight night update: B now weighs 1545g or 3lb 6.5oz. B has been doing well with her weight gain and feeds. This week her feeding schedule has progressed rapidly. On Wednesday they increased her to breast feeds 3 times a day. On Thursday they increased it to 4 times. And then yesterday they increased it to all oral feeds (breast or bottle) as long as she can tolerate it. If she is tired then the feeding tube is still available as well. So far she's been a champ. We did 6 out of 8 feeds yesterday by mouth. And have done 5 out of 7 today. We're hoping to breast feed exclusively but she is still little and tires easily so yesterday I gave her one feeding by bottle. My first time bottle feeding her! And today T got to bottle feed her! Before she can come home she has to be able to take all feeds by mouth so if a bottle feed here and there helps get her home quicker it is ok with me! Her oxygen settings are about the same and will most likely stay that way for the week

I am grateful to say that B continues to do well. She now weighs 1250g or 2lb 12oz! She is now more than twice her weight at birth. She is also 14 1/4 inches long. She has graduated from her itty bitty preemie diapers to regular preemie diapers. With her weight gain she is now up to 17ml/ 2 hours. She is getting near the point where she will switch to feedings every 3 hours. We are hoping that we might begin some nursing next week. She would still be fed primarily through her nasal gavage but we would have a few sessions of nursing. She's been working her binky like pro so I am hopeful that we will have success. Auntie Sara and family came for a visit today and got to help out with bath time. And by help out I mean take lots of pictures of our little bathing beauty. It is amazing to watch how B changes every day. Last night T and I were looking through some of our older pictures and her changes, even in the the past 2 weeks, are remarkable. Tomorrow she will be 9 weeks old!

Today was a big day for...Bammy and Pop Pop. They got to hold B for the first time. It was a bit emotional but B didn't seem to mind at all. B had her first eye exam today. Premature babies have an increased risk of developing an eye disease called Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP). ROP can vary in severity and is classified in stages from 1 to 4 with 4 being the worst. Many infants born weighing less than 3lb 5oz will develop some form of ROP. Approximately 80% of babies who develop ROP get mild disease (stages 1 and 2) which will heal completely within the first year of life. Today's exam showed that B does have Stage 1. She will have another exam next week. Tomorrow is bath and weight night. Her doctors have increased her feedings to 15ml/ 2 hours but have cut back on the fortifier to try to slow down the weight gain. It is good that she is gaining weight but she needs to do it at an appropriate pace.

Bis now 8 weeks 1 day old. Tonight was weight night and Bis now 1100g or 1lb 7oz! She has gained more than 1 pound since birth. Her nurses have indicated that we might be able to start nursing next week! Joy! It is nice to know that we will be able to do some "normal" mother-baby bonding. Today was also the first time in over two weeks that T got to do kangaroo care. I think he enjoyed it! Our nurses also informed us that we can now take B out of her isolette more than once a day and kangaroo more than once a day. Yay!

B got her Gram-my award today! The NICU gives this to babies when they reach 1000g. She weighed in tonight at 1035g or 2lb 4oz.

Today was Bammy and Pop Pop's first time babysitting. It was also my first time away from B. *gulp* B said they did a great job! Bammy and Pop Pop seemed to enjoy it as well. They both had the opportunity to help out with B's care and actually thanked me for letting them change her diaper. My parents were babysitting while I went back home for a doctor's appointment. The appointment was fine and it was my first time seeing Dr. K since my c-section. Dr. K is a kind man but not the most outgoing. At the end of the appointment I asked if I could hug him and he said yes. So I hugged him and said, "Thank you for saving my daughter." I truly believe that his great care along with that of Dr. E and that of the wonderful L&D nurses at the Hosp. helped keep B in as long as we did and helped get us where we are today. I also went home for a few hours to see the kitties. It was my first time in my house in 11 weeks! It felt so nice to be home and to see my kitties.

B. is still doing well but today was a little tough for Mommy and Daddy. When I went to visit B. this morning she was super cute. I returned to the Ronald McDonald House after lunch and while there I received a phone call from the NICU. Seeing that number can strike fear in a NICU parent's heart. It was one of B's doctors informing me that B had been moved to another nursery. Normally, this would be viewed as a good thing. Unfortunately, she was being moved into isolation because she tested positive for MRSA - Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus Aureus. Her doctor explained to me that at the moment B is NOT sick however, if she were to become sick she would need to be treated with a different type of antibiotic. B is NOT infected with MRSA but has a colonization. A bit about MRSA, apparently about 20 - 40% of the population has Staph aureus that "lives" on our bodies. This is called colonization. It is the presence, growth and multiplication of the organism in o

B. is off the conventional vent! That means no more breathing tube. Our little girl is currently breathing on her own and receiving some oxygen through a CPAP nasal cannula. She has been doing a good job keeping her number up but there is always the chance that she may get tired and have to go back on the conventional vent. Her cute little nose is a bit swollen from the nasal cannula. Her nurses also told us that she may develop chipmunk cheeks from the steroids she is on for her lungs. She is still beautiful to us. Daddy got to kangaroo her for almost an hour today before B. got a little tired and went back into her isolette to rest. Daddy and Bammy and Pop Pop also got to hear some of her first little cries. I just heard a grunt or two.

B.is 5 weeks old today! Mommy got to do 3 hours of kangaroo care today and B. tolerated it nicely. Bammy and Pop Pop visited and Bammy got to kiss B. on the head for the first time. Small things mean the world to us. B. continues to be stable and is now up to feedings of 9ml every 2 hours. Tonight is a weight night and we are anxious to see if she has gained any weight. We know it takes time to grow and develop and so far B. has been doing a great job. But we are eager for her continued stability and growth so that they can remove the breathing tube from her throat. Her nares (technical name for nose holes) are still too little for the nasal cannula. Yesterday we gave B. a little music system/projector that plays Mozart, lullabies, and some other sounds. I'm not sure if there is a relationship or not but since they started playing the music they've been able to wean the oxygen settings. Maybe listening to Mozart will help prep her for her future piano lessons.

B. had an eventful day today. She has been stable on her vent settings and is at a very low setting. As long as she continues to remain stable her priorities are just getting bigger and stronger. She is almost stable enough to come off the conventional vent but her nostrils are still too little for the CPAP or nasal cannula. She also had two of her IVs removed so now there is only 1 and it is for her nutrition. Her feedings continue to go well and she is up to 3ml every 2 hours. Her nurse mentioned that B, is getting close to going on full feeds of breast milk. When she goes to full feeds they will be able to remove this last IV. The full feeds would also mean that they would not need to try for a PICC line because they could administer meds orally. The biggest event of the day was when I got to hold my little baby skin-to-skin for the first time since she was born. It was an amazing experience that only could've been better if T. was there with me. (Alas, he is at home with

B. had a fairly good day today. Her vent settings are still minimal. Her feedings continue to increase. She's now getting 6ml every two hours. Her nurse called her a little piglet. They weighed her last night and she is now almost 1lb 6oz. The increase in feedings means that she is now off of all IV nutritional support. But yesterday they did notice that her sugars were a bit high so they did some bloodwork. Today the culture did show some growth so B, is now on antibiotics. It is common for preemies to get infections but still scary for us. Please send good thoughts and prayers that the antibiotics are effective. We have been able to kangaroo every day since Tuesday. And today at the close of kangaroo time I got to kiss my little girl for the first time. It was on her head and through her hat and super sweet!

B. is 3 weeks old today! She had another stable day today. Her blood gases continue to be acceptable and the nurses have been able to wean her O2 settings slightly. Today they increased her feedings to 1.5ml every 2 hours. This is good as now the milk will count toward her nutritional intake. She is still an active little girl which is good and also a bit concerning to her health care team because the more she moves, the more calories she burns and she needs to be gaining weight rather than losing it. She has not needed her phototherapy lights the past few days so they have been able to partially swaddle her. The swaddle does help some but they also have been giving her pentobarbital to help reduce the activity.

Thank you all for your prayers and loving thoughts. I am so grateful for your wonderful response when B. was in need. It also helped me and T. to see the outpouring of love and support. After a very long night B. is doing better this morning. They have been able to turn down her O2 and her blood oxygen numbers are up. We are very thankful for this improvement. We were warned about the ups and downs of this journey and last night certainly felt like a down. But our little fighter is strong. Yesterday was not without its ups, either. Because of her young gestational age, B.'s eyes were still fused closed at birth. Yesterday we were lucky enough to watch her open her left eye for the first time. Such a wonderful experience. And last night she opened her right one as well!

B. is 14 days old! She had a good day today and for that we are grateful. Her blood culture was negative so they discontinued her antibiotics. They restarted her feedings. They were able to wean her oxygen settings on the oscillator. Her skin was looking much better and she was less puffy. Today was also her day 14 brain scan. The scan showed no bleeds! Halleluiah! Her next scan is at 35 weeks. There was more talk about trying for the PICC line tomorrow night. For now her hand IVs are still in good shape. Theron was also able to spend part of the day with her. We were present for her care and T. got to take her temperature and give her a bath. He did a great job! He also read to her her first story. She also had another visit from Auntie Sara, Uncle Paul, and Bammy. Daniel was here too but unable to visit Beatrix because of his age. (Pop Pop had a previous engagement so unable to visit today but will visit again soon.) Thank you all for your continued support. We are hopin

It has been over 2 months since my last update and what a two months it has been! This journey truly is filled with ups and downs. We have been blessed with mostly ups (as  Loss mom it is very difficult to say that as I constantly fear what is waiting around the corner). The downs we've experienced have been manageable. The longer we stay in the NICU the more and more I see the amazing odds some of our little ones must face and the strength, will, and courage they have. Babies truly are amazing. B.is now 81 days old! She's getting to be an old lady in the NICU. It has been difficult but mostly joyous to see the other babies and their families arrive and go home together. I tell myself every day that B. is where she needs to be to get bigger and stronger and we are on our own journey. At times it can be a bit challenging to not compare her or our journey to others. Rather than re-type her journey I will cut and paste some of the updates I've been sharing through our Face

Thank you for all your prayers, good thoughts, and positive energy. B.'s surgery was successful. The surgeon said it went very well and it only took 16 minutes. We got to see her following the surgery and she looked comfortable. Her doctor decided to try to establish a PIC line while she was sedated. Unfortunately they have not been successful with their 2 attempts so far. Her little veins are just too small at this point. The doctors really want to get the PIC line in because her umbilical lines are almost at the end of their useful life. They are quite loose and only being held in place by the tape surrounding her belly button. The last I heard they will try again tomorrow but if they are again unsuccessful then they will have to establish a peripheral line and try for the PIC line when she's bigger. B. had a bit of a rough night that resulted in increases to her O2 settings. She had been at 20-25% pre-surgery but was up to 65% last night. She was managing to compensate som

I apologize for leaving you all hanging with the 3rd part of Beatrix's arrival. I'll try to finish it in the next few days. Right now we are focused on getting her through heart surgery tomorrow. Our sweet girl has Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) and requires surgery to close it. She will be in the hands of a nationally recognized surgeon so we know she will be in good hands. Still it is difficult to think of our tiny baby having open heart surgery.  Please send prayers, good thoughts, and healing energy her way. She is a strong little fighter and I believe that she will make it through the surgery.

As they prepped me to move me to Birthing Room 6 I said to the nurses, "Her name is Beatrix." p until this point only T. and and my immediate family knew our thoughts on names.  I was 99% sure this is what I wanted to name her but T. and I were having difficult referring to her as B. Mostly she was Baby. Saying her name out loud was important because if something as to go wrong I wanted the world to know her name. Once I was transported to Birthing Room 6 things started to move quickly. The contractions started to come more regularly but they were a bit erratic. Dr. LK ordered an ultrasound and the ultrasound showed that bay was doing well and that there was still good fluid levels. Throughout this whole time I felt the urge to use the bathroom. After the earlier bleeding I stopped so hadn't completely emptied my bladder. The nurses were a bit concerned about this because apparently a full bladder can aggravate an irritable uterus. Shift change for the nurses occurred

Our beautiful tiny daughter was born yesterday, June 2nd, at 8:41am via emergency c-section. She is a tiny little thing weighing only 1lb 5oz and only 11 1/2 inches long. B's first day Her birth was a bit of a surprise. On Saturday I was feeling a bit off but couldn't put my finger on it. I had a feeling something might be happening but tried to comfort myself into thinking it was just normal pregnancy signs. Sunday morning at about 4am I woke up to go to the bathroom and as I sat up felt a small gush of fluid and thought, "Oh no." I went to the bathroom and peed saw some pinkish cervical mucus but didn't notice anything else out of the ordinary. I alerted the night nurse and she seemed a bit concerned and suggested putting me back on the  TOCO monitor. After a few minutes she came back and said she noticed some slight irritability and offered a visteril to help calm things. I had been having irriability through out and was fine with this as I had previous

Today I am 21 weeks and 1 day pregnant. This is the most pregnant I have ever been. I am nervously happy about it. When this pregnancy first started and was going well T. and I said that we should be able to relax and enjoy it once we reached the 21 week mark.  Now the 24 week mark is our goal. I think I will be able to relax a tiny bit when we reach that point. T. feels he won't be able to relax until the 28 week mark. My current situation is certainly not how I expected my pregnancy to be.  I participate in a pregnancy message board and when I read some of the posts from women who are experiencing normal pregnancies who are also due in September I am amazed at how much they are enjoying their pregnancies. Many have completed their registries, are talking about baby showers, and sharing photos of their completed nurseries. I feel that they are so naive. I'm not jealous of their naivety but I am some what amazed and in awe of it. Today also marks the 12th day of my hospital

I guess I can start with where I am - in the hospital! Say what?? Yes, it is true. On Tuesday we had our regularly scheduled ultrasound and appointment. At the ultrasound I kept a close eye on the screen when the tech was measuring my cervix. Sadly the number I saw were the ones I wanted to see. I was hoping that I was looking at the wrong numbers but I was pretty sure I knew what I was looking at. We asked the tech what my cervix was measuring and she said she couldn't tell us. Grr. When T. and I were making our way up to my appointment I told him what I thought I saw: .6 cm. Not good. Last Tuesday the cervix was measuring at 1.3cm and that was low and resulted in my bed rest at home. We got upstairs and as the nurse was walking us back to the exam room she asked how I was and I told her, "Worried. The numbers we saw didn't look good." When Dr. K. walked in the room the first thing he said was, "So you're cervix is shorter. We need to admit you to the ho

PGAL or Pregnancy After A Loss Brain is a common occurrence among women who have experienced a loss and are again pregnant. Basically it means that you question everything you do, think, and feel as to whether or not it is a sign or a symptom that you need to be concerned about as related to the pregnancy. For example, during early pregnancy fatigue and nausea are common. When you are PGAL and you have normally thrown up by 9am and today it is 9:05am and you haven't thrown up you wonder if you are still pregnant or if you're going to lose this pregnancy as well.  These mindfucks can take a toll and affect how you experience your pregnancy. This pregnancy started out on a very positive note for me. It felt different than the previous pregnancy and I was much more positive and confident about its success.  And I truly felt that way. I wasn't just trying to convince myself that things were ok. They truly did feel ok. They felt slightly different than the previous pregnancies

As luxurious as it sounds to spend all day in bed or on the couch it really isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Today is my third day of bed rest. At my appointment on Tuesday they measured my cervix and found that it had reduced from 3.4cm last Tuesday to 1.3cm. The amount of change is such a short period of time was cause for concern. Dr. K said that I was off work and on bed rest for the remainder of this pregnancy. Oh lordy. T. and I had talked about the possibility of long term bed rest after a week of bed rest following the insertion of my cerclage at 12w. Neither of us was thrilled with the idea but thought we would do what we had to. And here I find myself a little over 19w pregnant facing another 20 weeks in a horizontal position. Don't get me wrong, I will do whatever it takes to see that this little being inside of me has the best chance of being born full term, but the thought of another 4 1/2 months on my back or side is daunting. Last night I had my first p

Friday was our first appointment with Dr. K for this pregnancy. My appointment was at 8am. I returned home at 11:30am. T. wasn't able to join me due to work obligations so he was freaking out when I finally did get in touch with him. PGAL does a lot to mess with one's mind and expectations. After an hour of filling out medical records and paperwork I finally had the opportunity for an ultrasound. Prior to the appointment I had been trying not to freak out telling myself that (other than history) I had no reason to worry about this LO. In the u/s room I hopped up on the table, pulled up my shirt, unbuttoned my pants and the OB resident, under the supervision of Dr. K began to do the u/s. She was a bit clumsy but I tried to be patient with her. She found the fetus quickly and LO was just chilling. I didn't see the heartbeat right away and I tried not to freak out. In real time it was probably about 2 seconds my in my mind it felt like a lifetime. They finally found the he

My last appointment was on the 5th and I don't know when my next appointment is. I'm trying not to stress over this fact. After calling almost every day to check on the status of my medical records my peri finally called to say they finally received them from my gyno. Of course the doctor was out of the office yesterday and will be out of the office on Monday and he typically won't schedule an appointment until he reviews the charts. Luckily the medical assistant said she'd get one of the Nurse Practitioners to review the charts to try to get me an appointment. But as of today still no appointment and it has been almost 3 weeks since I saw a doctor.  I know to most people in most normal pregnancies waiting 3 or 4 weeks isn't a big deal but with my history I would like to be under a little closer watch! The nausea has lessened slightly which is helpful but I'm still struggling with the fatigue. On the plus side the pregnancy dreams have been very interesting!

Loss moms tend to experience a tremendous amount of guilt. When your baby dies with no official explanation as to what happened you constantly search for how you might've contributed to the situation. Was it something I ate? Something I did? Something I didn't do? It takes a while to accept that often things just are, and that's the best explanation we can hope for. One of my biggest moments of guilt isn't so much about what I could've done to save Sylvie but related to how I handled her loss. The day we lost her we went to L&D because we had made it to 21w so it was now a baby and not just a fetus. The nurses hooked me up to the monitor and Sylvie was doing great a strong heart beat and lots of swooshing sounds that indicated her movement.  The monitor was so loud and her movements were so loud that at one point I asked the nurses if they could turn down the monitor because the noise was distracting.  Little did I know that would be one of the last times I

5w6d today and the pregnancy symptoms are starting to kick in. Not fun but I will embrace each of them if it brings us our take-home baby. Symptom #1: Gagging while brushing teeth.  I've been managing to get the teeth brushed but when I get near my tongue, well it isn't pretty.  Symptom #2: Upset tummy. Last pregnancy I had issues with "things" stopping.  This time I seem to be having the opposite. Yuck.  Symptom #3: Morning sickness. For me this is actually more of an all day issue. With each previous pregnancy the nausea and food aversions began around 6 weeks, so this one seems to be following right on track. So far the mornings have been okay and the evenings have been worse.  I think as long as I keep small amounts of food in my stomach things are better. At work I have some trail mix and I asked T. to pick me up some pretzels to crunch on. Constantly eating without weight gain is a challenge.  At the moment fruits and veggies aren't that appe

Well, we told my parents. Yesterday we invited them over to help hang some art work. My dad has a good eye for decorating and we're in the process of getting the house ready for our Mardi Gras party. Originally we weren't planning on telling them until after our u/s on the 5th but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that we should share. After all we've been through I felt they should know and I would need their support if this pregnancy doesn't turn out like I hoped. How sad is that? Sadly, that is the reality of pregnancy after 3 losses. The naivety and innocence are gone. I'm still feeling optimistic about this pregnancy but it is tempered with a big dose of reality. When my parents got here I didn't tell them right away.  I think I was driving T. crazy because he kept pacing around and standing next to me and putting his hands on my shoulders to comfort me.  I didn't want to tell my folks straight away because I worried then the rest of the

Today was a day where our attempts for a family came to a crossroads.  When I started this blog it was with the intent to document our adoption journey. After our loss in July T. and I decided that if we weren't pregnant by January we would pursue adoption. (We also decided not to stop trying on our own.) Neither of us felt right spending money on IVF and with the history of adoption in our family we felt it was a better choice for us. So when December came and went with no bfp we arranged to meet with the social worker. Today was that meeting. We've been honest with her in our attempts for a bio-kid and she's been honest with us about how it would affect the adoption process. They will work with families with one or fewer children but won't place a child in a home with a new child for at least a year. Life may change our plans but at the moment we are discussing adopting our second child. T. is 41 and I am 36. Assuming that the current pregnancy goes full term and we

T. and I have discussed when and how we should announce our pregnancy, should it be determined to be viable. I go back and forth on this idea. I haven't announced it yet on TTCAL or PGAL because it is so new. Our first ultrasound is on Friday, should that go well then I will probably announce on the boards then. And should it not go well I will probably announce that on the boards then as well. For the rest of the world I'm not sure. For bfp #1 we boxed up a raspberry and gave it to my parents as a gift. We were 8w along at the time and raspberry was our fruit of reference size. It was the day after our Mardi Gras party and my sister was visiting and hung over in bed. I can still remember the excitement on my mom's face. For bfp #2 our announcement came in the form of a panicked phone call to my sister, again visiting my parents, at 11pm. I had some bleeding, T. was out of town, and I needed someone to talk to. She told my mom and dad and she and my BIL escorted me to t

I titled this post on 1/16 but didn't have the nerve to publish it until today. On Wednesday, after 6 months of trying to get pregnant, I peed on a stick and got the 4th BFP of my life. I could barely believe it! T. was on his way out the door for work and I yelled, "T! Come here!" and he yelled back, "But my ride is here." And I said, "I think you want to come here." He came running up the stairs and I showed him the two tests and he looked at me in disbelief and followed up with a kiss. I called my doctor that morning and they set me up for blood work. During lunch I ran to the lab and by 3:15p I had the results - HCG of 372 and Progesterone of 23.9 and instructions to repeat the labs on Friday. It seemed like forever but finally Friday came and I once again went for blood work at lunch. I waited an agonizing hour and a half before I called for results. It isn't hard to believe that they weren't ready. I left my number and told them to leav

I thought I'd give blogging a second chance, this time on a new platform and only partly because I can't remember the e-mail or password I used for my other blog.  I suppose that tells you a little something about my dedication to blogging. :)